One morning as I sat on my couch in silence I began thinking of things that no longer served a purpose in my life. Initially my thoughts were generally calm and then a rush of thoughts started to come forward. These thoughts were in the past and had no further value in my life. Oh no, not me, not this, and definitely not today. Suddenly I was face to face with the monster of these unresolved thoughts and that’s when I realized I was tired of this dance. I was growing tired of me versus me. You know it’s time to prune the garden of weeds (toxic and painful thoughts that overtake too much of your time).
The mind rants that came up were, “All of these people have no regards for my feelings.” and I cannot believe he did that to me.” or “I should do this to so, so, so, so, and so because they did this that as well as something else to me.” Half of the things I couldn’t even recollect in it’s full entirety what actually happened. Facing all of these past thoughts and feelings was tiresome. The acceleration was going 100 mph and I had to pull the emergency brake because these toxic thoughts are out of control and out of alignment of who I have worked so hard to become as well as where I envisioned myself going. I had become the supermarket for feeding the toxicity. Just by me giving it my energy, which is very precious I must say, I was wearing myself out.
I am a level II Reiki therapist and one of the mantras uses a phrase discussing letting go freely. It is used during the practice, before the practice, and after the practice. I cannot believe I allowed these thoughts to take residence in my head. Realizing what had happened I decided to go deeper into my thoughts. Looking into the matter further allowed me to come to the conclusion that I was triggered by a picture of someone that hurt me deeply and it led to all of the other hurtful things that had transpired in life. The most wonderful thing that I was able to do was recognize that these people who I felt crossed my boundaries and actually did hurt me but it was time to move on in a healthy way. It was my responsibility to care for me and by not taking care of me I am not having the best intentions for myself. Another light bulb moment and the bell rings loudly, “Ping!” I do not have to associate with people, places, or situations that are detrimental to my mental, spiritual, or physical well being. We are the rulers of our thoughts and actions. Holding on to hurt, shame, ridicule, embarrassment, anger, disappointment, and etc all become harmful to our body, the mind, and the spirit. The same way that a person fasts or goes on a detox to cleanse the body you have the capability to detox the things that no longer serve you. During this pandemic or whatever this is has provided the perfect time to renew and reset so that you as well as I can be fully present to deal with other things. I wrote this piece to inspire others to let go. Stop hurting yourself, others, and let’s start healing.
If whatever I have spoken about resonates with you please leave a comment and by no means is this a mental health platform. If you feel that you need to speak to someone to go deeper into other underlying issues that you feel you need to address, please seek a licensed therapist.
Keys2Ubantu 